What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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