3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
