i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize