exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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