Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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