jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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