Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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