I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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