my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
People in love make me want to vomit
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
