JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
