Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize