Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
