sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
