I CAN MOONWALK!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
