So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dick very happy bro
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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