im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
