Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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