I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
