The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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