these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
