Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
