wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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