I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
whose parrot is this?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
