I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
