In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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