Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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