If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So apparently I’m into choking now
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