Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
