u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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