Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
