I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
