if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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