ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
