My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I need help removing her.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
