my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Houston, we have a blender
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i now understand why vodka
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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