By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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