Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
