just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
