she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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