All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
