I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
tell me about the eggs
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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