Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
