They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
