R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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