just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
