i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
