I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
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Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
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Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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