Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Drake has all the answers
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
