why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
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I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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