he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
