Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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