Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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