yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
