glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
