i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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