Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So squirting runs in the family.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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