Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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