omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize