I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
