I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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