Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
